Muddy and Tough

So, I went for a little run yesterday. Nothing big. Just a causal stroll in the woods really

Oh did I mention it was 12 miles, in 12 inch deep mud, up and down some ridiculous hills 

Oh, and 20 obstacles along the way

Yesterday I did Tough Mudder. Not on my own you understand. As they tell you at the start, it's a challenge not a race, which is lucky because I'd have had absolutely no chance in a race 

Now normally the only thing I will run is a bath. But when we signed up for the event back in August, I wanted to take my training seriously, and by December I had gone from struggling to run half a mile to running 8 miles.  And all was going great, until.....

'Do you reckon I can hang upside by my feet from your pull up bar Colin?' To which the response was either 'no', or 'well Denzil can do it'.  I forget the answer now, but I can only assume it was the latter because less than a minute later, there I was....

Lying in agony on the living room floor, being laughed at by 4 teenage girls and my good mate, the caring, considerate Colin

But would I let this little set back destroy my well planned training routine.....do I really need to answer that

So my bruised ribs kept me away from running for nearly 4 months which left me with a massive 5 weeks to train for Tough Mudder.  At this point you may be thinking 'but you couldn't train for Tough Mudder in 5 weeks, he must be an elite athlete'. We'll let me tell you.....you can't train for it in 5 weeks

And so it was with trepidation I entered the starting zone, had a rave for a warm up, and then got ready to begin....with an absolutely MASSIVE hill, I've never even walked up a hill that steep, until yesterday...and I was in good company with maybe only 2 or 3 people actually running it 

It would take forever to go through all 20 obstacles, so let's just say I lost my warmth on obstacle 3, a skip filled with ice, my ability to grip anything having sliced my hand on a rock following the trench crawl at 6 miles, and what felt like one (or both) of my testicles on the wonderfully named 'walk the plank'. Imagine if you will, a 25ft high tower with a straight drop into a pool of freezing cold water on the other side, lovely eh

Now I hate peanuts, but when someone offers you a chunk of chocolate covered peanut bar after 6 miles of running, you flipping well take it. Tbh I'd have eaten anything that wasn't covered in mud by that point 

Having twisted my knee around the 4 mile mark, the pain got gradually worse until about 10 miles when I could just about bare weight on it, so the last few miles were done at a very slow pace. The only saving grace was my mate looking like he had hypothermia and therefore needing to walk for a few miles....so obviously I held back to walk with him, I know I know, what a great guy I am

The penultimate obstacle was called 'Everest'. Upon seeing the name on the course map, I knew it was either gonna be a steep climb, or the best goddamn double glazing you've ever seen.....it was unfortunately the first one

30 minutes queuing for our chance to run up the slope was only improved by being soaking wet and standing in a strong cold wind. You can imagine how excited and full of energy we were by that point

A few electric shocks and we were done and supping on a pint of beer and devouring a full peanut covered bar thingy.....which didn't taste nearly as nice by that point

The beer on the other half was lovely, and I'm not a drinker, but seemingly when you add a shot of whiskey to it and call it Ginger Grouse, I'm a big fan

So that was Tough Mudder London West 2014....a real experience....

that I have no intention of ever repeating

But to anyone considering or already registered for a Tough Mudder in the future, go for it, it was easy

Oh...should I have put that at the start and advised to stop reading. Never mind....if I have to suffer 

Jealously

Jealousy is seen as an ugly thing, the green eyed monster of envy. 

Someone has things better than you do and you don't like it

Now I will openly admit today to being jealous. Incredibly jealous.  

The person I'm jealous of is far more beautiful than me. She's more intelligent than me. Has so much more potential, but probably won't appreciate that. Doesn't overthink situations, or stress about what may or may not happen. 

Life is pretty simple for her, sure there will be complicated times ahead, there are for all of us. They'll be big changes, of course there will. But she'll take it all in her stride without any worries.

I think I'd go so far as to say that you are jealous of her too, even if perhaps you don't realise it. Why wouldn't you be. But I'm afraid to say she doesn't feel the same way about you.

Why would she want your life.  Why would she possibly want to swap what she has, for what you have.

Now don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that you can't change, we can all change, it just gets harder as time goes on

My aim for this year, for next year, forever, is to try and learn from her......and her friends.  Because do you know what.....I think they've got it all figured out

No more school playground

I wrote the other day about my new job, about positive change and the future ahead of me....training dolphins....but with every positive there can be downsides 

My daughter's mother was adamant that when Amelia started school, she wanted to be around at least once a week to do the school pickup.  Now I don't think I ever saw the importance of it.  My own mother dropped me off and collected me from school each day until I was old enough to walk with my older brother but that was not the case for Amelia's mum.  She had always walked with her sisters and wanted things to be different for Amelia 

I didn't see the importance for her, I could see why Amelia would like her mum collecting her but it is only today that I can fully appreciate why her mum wanted to

See yesterday through to today is the last time that I will have been able to collect Amelia from school, have a play date with a friend, have her stay overnight and then drop her at school the next day.  She starts an after school club today, and Fridays are her mum's day to collect her.  From next week I'll be working 8-5 (what a way to make a living) so I won't be able to drop her off or collect her

I'd be lying if I said there weren't times that I'd thought about staying in my old job, complete with the shift work etc, just to allow me to keep sharing in the excitement of the start of the school day, and the elated moments at the end of the day, talking with great excitement about what had happened that day, if she'd got a sticker for her reading or writing, and what she'd done with her friends 

If I'm honest I'll miss catching up with the other parents in the playground as well. 

I don't want to become detached from my daughters education, to miss out on her excitement as she learns and develops through her years at school....I will miss the after school play dates with friends and trips to the swimming pool, the park, the gelato of a sprinkled nature 

I appreciate that many parents don't have the opportunity that I've had over the last 8 months, two terms, an autumn and spring. And that makes me a little sad.  When you get the opportunity, get into the school, look at the creations on the walls, the folders of work, savour the buzz of excitement that can only be created by 30 young children and the fantastic people that teach them....I know it sounds cheesy but it really is a magical thing 

Amelia was so excited this morning, she's going to her new after school place today, with her friend, and she'll absolutely love it. She's far more excited than if she were seeing me, and that makes me feel better.  

A part of me hopes that she'll miss me dropping her off and collecting her, but that's just me being selfish.  As long as she's safe and happy that's all that matters

So I'll be up and at her house at 8:30 tomorrow morning and maybe, if her mum allows, I'll be there at school collection time tomorrow....(though maybe it isn't fair to interfere with her mum's time with her)....to make the most of the last opportunity 

And hey, if I win the euromillions jackpot tomorrow, I'll be there on Monday as well :-)

The end of an era

So today marks the end of my time with the Highways Agency, quite some time later than expected

I originally joined back in 2006, the job promised an exciting opportunity, a chance to be a part of something new and challenging...along with a 50% pay rise 

After 14 months it became clear that whilst it may have been new, it wasn't exactly what you would call exciting, so I left....

Now the rumour is when I left to train as an Air Traffic Controller that I announced I would be driving a Porsche the following year and that all my colleagues were losers....that's just not true. Yes I was excited, like any other 24 year old would be at the possibility of a job that was going to pay £80k+ but I did not leave in the way that was told 

As some of you will know, well, you'll all have figured out, the air traffic thing didn't work out.  Now I could give a list of excuses as to why, and I have several, but the reality is I just wasn't up to it.  It's always difficult to admit when we're not good at something especially when you've talked up how big the opportunity is and built your hopes up but that's the truth

Do I think other people were successful for the wrong reasons, yes. Do I think that them failing would have increased my chances of success, no. 

So in July 2008 I found myself unemployed. Now I'm sure we've all been there at some point, even if whilst still at school, but I was unemployed with a £1000 a month mortgage and after 14 months of earning only £800 a month 

So I did what I'm pretty sure anyone in my position would do. I made a tentative phone call to my old boss and asked if there were any jobs going.  Much to my surprise, and good fortune, there was a vacancy, and two weeks later I was back in highly visible clothing patrolling the roads, and car parks....and drive thru's.

I said to myself that this job would be fine for 6 months until I found something else, something I wanted to do. That was just short of 6 years ago....so what happened

Well, a baby for starters, a baby that is now nearly 5 years old.  A marriage break up. Two house moves. Anything to keep busy....

But seriously, Amelia Rose was born, and my focus switched from work to being a daddy. The job gave me such freedom to spend time with her and it's been great.  I've been the only dad at tots and tunes. I've been the only dad at soft play. And more recently I've been one of few dads at the school doors at 3pm.  The job has allowed me to be a better father through what have been a very tough few years 

I didn't blog very much in the latter part of last year and not at all this year. I believe that personal things should remain personal, no one is greatly interested in other people's problems, unless only to make themselves feel better about their own lives

I don't need people's sympathy, people have had much tougher times, and are having much tougher times than I've ever had, and you don't hear them moaning

The moaning is usually done by the people who haven't had enough sleep, or they've not got enough money, or too much chocolate, or they've gained too much weight, or it's raining or blah blah blah

There's a phrase along the lines of if you surround yourself with negativity then you cannot help but become negative, so surround yourself with positive people.....and this is what I shall aim to do

So next week I shall begin the next part of the journey called life. More and more I am sat at home on weekdays when Amelia is at school, yet working during the times that she's off so my job just doesn't suit any more

I've told people i shall be moving to America to train dolphins, or going to work for NASA to help them design a flatulence resistant space suit....I'm the test dummy.  But the reality is, the people that need to know, know exactly what I'm going to do, and the people that don't know or don't care, just don't matter to me

And that goes for everything you read on Facebook. If you want facts about my life, speak to me, and if I want you to know them then I'll tell you. If you want idle gossip and half truths then there are other people that you can speak to.....because I won't be 

I had a text this morning from a work colleague wishing me well in my new job, and mentioning that he hasn't seen a leaving card so wanted to text to say good luck. He's one of the good guys.  It's a real shame that unfortunately what could be a decent job is being dragged down by very negative and bitter people

I don't want to end this on a negative note, because I'm done with negativity. I wish the best of luck to my colleagues that remain, and whilst this sounds unlikely, I will never regret going back to the job, it has given me opportunities that I would never have otherwise had, and given me memories I can cherish forever 

I've been told quite adamantly that they won't take me back a second time, and that's probably no bad thing, because you can't move forwards whilst always looking backwards 

I don't know what the future will bring, I enter my next challenge with a little anxiety and caution, but with a desire to do well and keep moving up.  So I wish myself the best of luck, I'll send myself a card and a present and buy myself a drink to celebrate the start of a new chapter 

Now where did I put those thermal long johns ;-)