Castaway

Hello and happy Monday to you all...I'm starting to write this at 11pm so if it isn't still Monday then I've waffled on too long, I've fallen asleep, or you go to bed earlier than I do

So in my last blog I told you that I had been signed off of work, I had been off a week or so by that point. I have now been off for 3 weeks and I'm signed off until next Tuesday

So what have I done with my time off, well I've walked, a lot. Not as much as I had hoped admittedly, but well over 100 miles. I've also eaten a lot of crisps and probably enough strawberry lances* that I should have bought shares in the company

*see lances are not laces, they're thicker and sugar coated. They are also vegan friendly....you can have that fact for free

All in all this means I have managed to not lose any weight, but also not gain any, which I am classing as a 'win'.

A few weeks ago, a close friend of mine suggested that if I was going to be signed off of work with a mental health issue, it would be wrong of me if I didn't grow a Tom Hanks 'Castaway' style beard, purchase a volleyball, and on returning to work be sure to run all my decisions past 'Wilson'. I could definitely see the funny side of this idea....the funniest part being that when it comes to facial hair, I'm not sure if puberty missed me, which is strange because I have such a deep voice and a MASSIVE....attitude problem

So maybe I should have bought a volleyball, or even moved to a desert island, that way I probably wouldn't look like a homeless 12 year old now*

*yes I realise I don't actually look 12 years old, it was a reference to my inability to grow a beard, yes I know I look old, yes older than 33....ok leave it now

So as I lie in bed, thoughtfully stroking my......soft (ish) almost hairless face, I think about exactly which volleyball I'm going to buy once I finish writing this

Another new thing for me during my time off has been the commencement of counselling. My employer very kindly subscribes to a service that provides me with 6 free counselling sessions. Now those who know me well will know that not only do I not like to talk, but I also can't stand talking about myself.......but seriously, counselling, where have you been all my life?!

I've only had one session so far, and this was spent explaining to my counsellor what had brought me there. I explained the previous several months of my life, talked about my home life etc and discussed what I was hoping to get out of the sessions.

My counsellor agreed with me about certain thoughts and feelings that I'd been having, so understandably she is now one of my favourite people....plus she has very comfortable chairs. She has given me a lot to think about, and some ideas for discussion at my next session, which I'm actually looking forward to

I understand that on my return to work I shall have a new line manager, which will be nice as my previous manager had been absent for some time. This brings with it a change of seating, something I approach with a little trepidation, but something I'm again quite looking forward to, a fresh start in new surroundings*

*about 20 feet from my old surroundings

My sleep is slowly improving, I managed 9 hours last night which is completely unheard of, and as the week goes on I will begin to set an alarm again, in preparation for next week. I've also been free from panic attacks since just after my last blog, so overall I'm feeling pretty positive

Thank you once again for all the messages of support I have received over the past few months. Some people now have a much more special place in my heart.....and some, well some are still nob jockeys ;-)

I end today's blog with what should be a link to a post on my Facebook page, a picture of my daughter with Santa. If anyone is able to 'like' the picture (not the post but that actual picture) then it would be massively appreciated

https://www.facebook.com/ben.cummins/posts/10153858815181755

Goodnight all