I'm die(t)ing to tell you

Diet.....it's a funny word...I recall a year or so ago I decided that I wanted to eat 'cleaner' that is to say a healthier diet as opposed to Cillit Bang...all I heard was 'but you're not fat, you don't need to diet'

But when did diet become the word used only to describe the meal replacement shakes or latest fad program that people are following

A diet is what you eat, it's a lifestyle

I've had many an argument on Facebook and Twitter regarding Slimming World for instance. It's a 'healthy balanced diet' apparently. And I think the important word to take from that is 'balanced'

I can balance a slice of chocolate cake with a bag of carrots, a bowl of ice cream with a bag of lettuce......but this doesn't make the cake or ice cream healthy

'A little of what you like wont hurt you' or something like that. It's probably quite true, after all no one has ever died from eating a bowl of ice cream...although what a way to go....but this again doesn't mean it's good for you 

A friend once said to me 'there's no such thing as bad food, just a bad diet'.....this phrase came from, yep, you guessed it...Slimming World

Now at this point I will say two things. I do not profess to be an expert on the slimming world diet, and the only thing I know about 'weighTWATchers' is written there. Nor am I saying that slimming world and all other 'diets' aren't beneficial. If a cake becomes a slice of cake, and a litre of ice cream becomes 1 scoop then of course that is better for you......but you'd still be better off eating the cow it comes from *

*i mean the milk for the ice cream. I don't think that cows have some sort of ice cream stomach that's taken out at the abattoir 

If you want to lose weight, be healthier, feel more energised, clear your brain fog, then eat smarter not with more balance

Now a confession from me. My diet is poor. Too many skittles, popcorn, biscuits etc

BUT

 I know all this, I know what to do to improve it, I just don't do it. 

So who's the biggest idiot.....

Keep on Truckin'

So, once again I am looking for a car.  I think I've owned something like 22 cars in my 13years of driving, which doesn't sound too bad until you consider that I think half of that time was made up of 3 cars, so i guess I've owned 19 cars...and 4 motorbikes....in about 7 years

The shortest period of time I owned a car for was 3 weeks, it was a Rover 214 in a lovely green. It had so much water in the spare wheel well, that I actually considered attaching a winch and bucket and letting Africans walk 5 miles to get to it

I bought the car for £50, but was finding, whilst putting £10 of fuel in it that it was very uneconomic, so I decided to fill the tank and see just how many miles I could get

I filled it to the brim, around £50, effectively doubling the value of the car and drove it back to my flat, this was less than half a mile. 

I went out to the car the next morning, excited and intrigued to see just how many miles I could extract from this one tank of fuel. The anticipation was building as I swam to the drivers seat, the key slid into the ignition and......and......nothing

The starter motor had gone to the great engine in the sky. So then began the operation to cut the fuel lines, drain the fuel, then scrap the car

I got £30 rebate on the tax and £50 scrap for the car....not the easiest £30 I've ever made but profit is profit 

The next shortest period of car ownership was 28 days....I know...a whole extra week. This time it was a Mercedes C Class 2.2 litre, 4 speed automatic petrol saloon.   Now I know what you're thinking, that must have delivered almost hybrid like fuel economy, and you'd be rig....wrong

I once had to drive briskly, obviously no more than 70mph, to Guildford to deliver some keys. A journey that the Mercedes did with ease and comfort. However, the 100 mile round trip cost me about £30 in fuel, and that was when fuel was around 90p a litre 

That car was sold to a Romanian, I think. He called me at 9am saying he'd be round to view in a couple of hours...he arrived at 11:30..........PM

Whilst viewing the car, in the dark, and having driven a couple of hundred miles, he tried to haggle with me, offering me £1200 against my £1800 asking price.  I simply explained that I had walked down 15 stairs from my flat whereas he had been on the road for some 12 hours. 

He paid me £1800

And so with these two experiences, there was no chance that I would ever buy a car on a whim with horrendous fuel economy again.......or was there. 

Not until some 7 years later when I purchased my last car, an Audi TT 1.8T Quattro.  I researched everything before hand and fully expected the car to return around 30mpg as a combined figure.  Now I reasoned that a lot of my driving was motorway driving and hence I'd get a lot closer to 40mpg

I got 27....on a run......driving Miss Daisy

See the 37.5mpg it was capable of on the motorway was slightly outweighed by the 16/17mpg it achieved around town

Don't get me wrong, it was a lovely way to waste some money, and who needs money anyway, but I don't think I'll be repeating the experience....at least until 2020

And so it is that my car search begins today, with a few set criteria. 

- Cheap to buy

- Cheap to run

- Working starter motor 

- Easy to cut fuel lines

Wish me luck

I'll leave you with a few pictures to brighten your morning

Bye bye for now 

I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning

Now, I always thought when a kids playground sign said '12 years and under' it was to protect the younger kids....but oh no...it's to protect the adults

Why on earth did I think it would be a good idea to spin, fast, on what can only be described as a small metal bowl...of death.  I feel horrendous now, I'm only a youthful 20-10 year old, but yet I'm clearly too old for kids park toys....a sad day

Amelia stayed for a 'sleepover' last night, so I was up at 6:30 today, she has an affectionate way of throwing her cuddly toys at my head and then jumping on top of me...such a relaxing way to wake up, that's then followed by an hour of Woolly and Tig...the hilarious tales of a young girl and her cuddly toy spider...I love it

Dropped Amelia at nursery at 8 and made the wise decision to do so in my trackie bottoms and tshirt.  This not only allowed me to look like a lazy chav dad but also meant I could go straight to the gym

You may have grasped from my previous blogs that I work shifts, therefore I have a fair amount of time off during the week. Why is it then that I find it really strange that other people are off....I generally sneer at them as being lazy dole scroungers, never considering that they may be just like me....no not devilishly handsome....no no, not hilarious and intelligent at the same time, in other words the total package. 

No, I mean shift workers, I never assume that maybe they also work shifts....though to be fair unless they work shifts in sports direct whilst simultaneously working for Gillette to see how long a man can go without shaving, then I think my first assumption is generally correct 

The gym was followed by a trip to the cinema, not directly you understand, you should never be in close proximity to others when you smell 'less than your freshest' shall we say. Not that everyone follows that same mantra 

The film of choice today was the new instalment of what would probably 'not' be described as the greatest film franchise of all time. No, it wasn't twilight. It was Fast and Furious 6......years after the original and they're still going strong...well...still going anyway

In fairness to the film makers, it was actually a pretty reasonable film, there weren't even any cars with 27 gears as we've seen in previous films. Though there was an airport with the longest runway you could ever imagine, probably about 10 miles long 

This afternoon was pretty relaxed, in fact I was chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool and shooting some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighbourhood....this seemed like the best time to leave and go and collect Amelia from school

With child in tow, well, on shoulders, the trip the park commenced, as I've already discussed at the start

This evening shall be spent trying to get rid of the headache I have from the park....and maybe an ice cream

I'll leave you with a selection of pictures which may cause some amusement

Bye bye for now 

FML - I don't want to talk about it

Social media....where people come to moan and whinge

'FML!'

'I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT'S HAPPENED'

'WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!'

'I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS NOW'

Just some of the phrases you will see as Facebook statuses. They will invariably be posted by someone that you forgot you were 'friends' with, since they haven't posted anything for months. Other than 'share this post to win a free iPhone' rubbish 

They are always followed by someone asking 'what's up', 'you ok babe' or 'can't believe he/she did that' 

This will then be replied to by the original status poster with one of two replies....

'I'll send you a message'

Or

'I don't want to talk about it'

Now if they're prepared to send a message to this person then perhaps it's this person that they should have contacted before logging on to Facebook

And if they 'don't want to talk about it' then here's an idea 'DON'T F%#KING TALK ABOUT IT'

It's called 'social media' not 'whinge media' or 'feel sorry me media'

If you've got a problem, speak to your friends.  If you don't have any friends then speak to a counsellor. If you don't want to speak to a counsellor then speak to someone

Just don't 'not talk about it' with everyone

*My Facebook posts about this, along with this blog may actually be a thinly veiled way of saying I'm not happy, I have problems, but guess what - I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!

Thank God It's Wednesday!

So....Sunday then....day after Saturday....day before Monday. I guess this is what most of you call a 'weekend'....a weekend is an alien concept to me, at least it has been since 2006.

2006 is the year I semi retired, true I had a brief dalliance with full time work in 2007, but in 2008 I went back to full time semi retirement

At around 7 or 8 o'clock tonight most of you will be thinking 'oh no, Monday tomorrow, another week at work and at least 2.5 days until I can proclaim that it is 'hump day' and the countdown to the weekend has started

Do you ever think that you wish your life away, always thinking of that next weekend, that next holiday, birthday, Christmas....even retirement. You miss out on the opportunity to saviour every day and the joy that it can bring

When you have children, it's fair to say that a large proportion of parents would love to be freed from the shackles of employment, of mortgages and gas bills. To fill that time with trips to the park or days at the beach (my blog is read on about 20 countries...some of them go to the beach) and we spend our time waiting for the perfect weather

But children don't care about the weather, they'll wear a jumper in July, shorts and sandals in December. One of my best afternoons with my daughter was a trip to Peppa Pig World in the pouring rain, and I'm not talking about drizzle, I'm talking can't look up and ahead because the rain is too heavy

I fully expected her to fall asleep on route.....to see the weather and decide we'd come back another day....or even just to sit in the car and watch the raindrops fall

BUT

As I turned to her to make that call, she took one look at her waterproof all in one suit, she started to slide on her wellies, she smiled at me, the most amazing smile and said

'Lets...Go...Puddle...Splashing!!!'

Now this was a Wednesday afternoon, on a day that you would write off due to the weather...as a day that only counted as being 2 days from 'the weekend'...but do you know what, it was one of most fun few hours I've ever had....and whilst wet clothes always dry....you can't recreate memories

So forget about the weekend, forget about the weather, forget about everyone but those you hold dear to you, and go out and splash in some puddles.....

Man up little girl, don't s*#t yourself

It is not always possible to know how you're children are treated at all times.

If they spend time in child care then it is quite right that you are not always aware of how they are spoken. This is why you make the most informed decision you can about the people who's care you place your child in

As some of you have seen on Facebook, I had a little rant about one nursery group that I overheard where a young child was told to 'man up' with regard to worries over what my daughter and I would call a 'wee wee accident'

The point was made that the younger generation, I'm talking late teens, may use the phrase in a different, non malicious way to myself....since i'm clearly so old now...but that's not the point

When I speak to my daughter, I adjust my language to suit, that's not to say I treat her like a baby, but I use words and phrases that I would like her to repeat.

To say that it wasn't meant maliciously and to accept that this made it ok, would imply that you would be happy for a carer/teacher to say 'oh you've shit yourself'....now that's not malicious, it's not meant to cause offence or upset, and in the same way as the child won't understand 'man up' they also won't understand 'shit', but that doesn't make it ok

I shall not be naming the nursery in question as last time I did so I was met with a torrent of 'abuse'. Abuse is the wrong word but I can't think of the correct one. But let's just say it makes me glad that my daughter isn't a 'pupil' there

Anyway, that's enough of that shit, time to man up.

So today I had my induction at the gym. I had never intended to join a gym again, I have a decent selection of weights etc at home, I have streets I can run and a relatively expensive bike which I've barely ridden. But I just needed a way to force a commitment to exercise I think, allowing others to witness my fitness....or lack thereof, so join I did, and for less than other more 'flexible' gyms. As a hint, no frills should mean lower bills

I don't intend to do weights at the gym, there's not enough equipment there to cater for all the users, but that's fine, I have enough at home. My focus is cardio. So today I just did a slow steady 40 minute session, getting to know the equipment. Tomorrow is when the fun starts :-D

Having burnt off at least 100 or so calories I came home and revitalised myself with 2 magnum ice lollies, this is not for people new to training, but I've worked hard and can happily digest 3 or 4 if needed....and that's fitness ;-)

Anyway, my pizza and chips will burn if I don't get them from the oven so I'll leave it there, have a good evening whatever you're doing

I'll leave you with a warning that came too late, a mans love for the birds and the happiest lighters you'll see today

Bye bye for now

A little bit fruity

The Big Apple....Apples 'n' pairs....The Apple of My Eye...the Apple iPhone even

All wonderful things, but apples.....don't get me started on apples

I've just been into Sainsburys, I know, I've changed, to stock up on some breakfast bananas......they're very similar to normal bananas but they must be eaten before 10....and I saw a glistening wonder over yonder

Like most people, I'm partial to a granny.....especially one with dark, rich skin. Just the anticipation of that first bite, the little bit of juice that runs down your fingers..that 'CRUNCH' as your teeth penetrate the skin......pleasure you can't measure

I strode towards the checkout, 5 bananas and 1 apple in hand. Wallet at the ready. I chose to 'self serve' as I didn't want to delay my apple'y consumption

I scanned the bananas, 69p for 5, I can cope with that, they come with their own packaging for gods sake...no need for plastic, or a bag for life even, but then.....

then....

then came the apple. Now if a banana is less than 14p, complete with transportation protection, an apple must be 10 or maybe even 5 pence....i mean they even bruise when dropped

But oh no...Ohhhhhhhhh no, 1 apple, ONE APPLE!, 32 pence

32 PENCE......!!!!!!!

And yes the skin was dark and rich, the crunch was crunchy, the dribbles of juice, yeah they were present. But was it really more satisfying that 2.3 bananas, was it??


Yes!

Bye bye for now

Share this post to get a free iPhone and cure for Cancer

If you share this post you'll get one of 154,899 free iPhones 5 that can't ever be sold because the plastic wrapping has been taken off

Now ignoring the fact that apple reuse every single part they can from used iPhones etc, is anyone really going to give you a free iPhone, worth around £500, because its not wrapped. I think I know where I'd be heading, it would start with E and end with Bay

As 'shared' posts go I guess this isn't the worst kind, it just takes advantage of people's naive desire for a freebie, and why not....we're in a recession you know

No, the award for worst shared post is a tie between 'International Day with a Y in it Day' and 'Share this post to cure cancer'

I have had more experience with cancer than I need to have had, none would be the only acceptable amount and there is no question that it is a terrible disease, and people should be more aware of the symptoms etc, but a shared Facebook post will not cure anything

The only acceptable Facebook posts related to illness that I think are worth sharing are the people doing something to help, running a marathon, jumping out of a plane, heck sitting in a bath of baked beans is enough if it raises money

Now, onto the next problem. 'International whatever day'....share this post. If people care enough to share the post/image, why not care enough to spend 2 minutes looking up A: if it really is that day, and B: does it even exist anyway

I've realised I could actually keep on and on about stupid posts. But my last ones are 'tell everyone, if someone phones you claiming to be from....' and 'All parents be aware, so and so's, friend's, sister's, auntie's, brother's, best friend's, landlord's beer supplier told me that there's a nasty man outside a school somewhere in a 20 miles radius of......'

There has been a fantastic new website started, just yesterday 'apparently' called Google

www.google.co.uk or www.google.com

It's called a 'search engine' and you can type stuff into it and searches the information super highway for you. In less than 30 seconds it will confirm that what you are sharing is complete rubbish. All you are doing is creating fear amongst others, most likely regarding something that happened 10 years ago or most likely NEVER HAPPENED AT ALL

Only one appropriate picture for today I think

Bye bye for now

What price do you put on your life?

I must apologise for the complete lack of blogging, I have really been horrendous of late, I will do my best to rediscover my enthusiasm

I discovered something really good about my car the other day, the MPG display is entirely accurate, unfortunately it's still too low a number

On an unrelated note, anyone want to buy an Audi tt?

I never fail to be amazed by the stupidity of some people nowadays. Now some of you may know I used to ride a motorcycle...a little top quickly some would say....and when riding this motorcycle I used to do something really stupid....

I wore a jacket, trousers, boots, gloves and a helmet. I protected my body because I only have 1 of them. Now I won't dispute that this protective clothing can be expensive, it can be very expensive, but I really like my head. Sure I'd like a little more hair....I'd actually love an Afro...but all jokes aside I like the content of my skull

I've seen the after effects of motorcycles accidents and lets just say in one of them, if he wasn't legless when he got on the bike, he was quite soon after dismounting

The question was asked of me at the time, doesn't it put you off owning a bike. My answer.....no, because I'm not a bloody idiot that rides at 150mph wearing trainers and a fleece

(And yes he did have jogging trousers on as well before you conjure up an even worse image)

Anyway enough moaning

THE END


I joke of course. The week so far has been relatively busy, working since 6am Sunday/Monday/Tuesday and yesterday.

On Monday afternoon I took Amelia to the park where I bumped into an old friend, her daughter very quickly said 'mummy you can ask that man his name and then you can be friends'. She then asked Amelia her name and if she wanted to play

Now Amelia is very shy around new people so generally will only raise a smile, though by the end of our time there they were on the swing together.....don't think Amelia actually said a single word mind

Just before we left my friends daughter said 'mummy, that man is beautiful'......she may have only been 3 years old, but I'll take a compliment when it's offered

(She followed it with, he speaks beautifully as well, like a princess, hmmm, lol)

Tuesday evening I managed to squeeze in a sneaky dinner at the pub, my mate offered to pay, but when I saw the total on the till I felt it was a little unfair....so I ordered cheesy chips as well

Yesterday afternoon Amelia and I made it to Peppa Pig World...the weather was scorchio and the park was almost empty....unfortunately this reduced the MILF count, but hey, you can't have it all.

We both had a great time and managed to do most of the Peppa Pig World rides without queuing and that is 'Happy Days'

Today I dropped Amelia at nursery, watched some tv whilst doing some washing, and then came to work....rock and roll

As for pictures today, I'm afraid I'm scraping the barrel a bit but will try harder next time

Bye bye for now

I've got a picture of you....

If I've established nothing else over the last few months of blog writing, it's that people scroll straight to the pictures, so today's blog is exactly that

I tend to photograph most things, or screenshot pictures from the Internet, so here is a selection....