A little bit fruity

The Big Apple....Apples 'n' pairs....The Apple of My Eye...the Apple iPhone even

All wonderful things, but apples.....don't get me started on apples

I've just been into Sainsburys, I know, I've changed, to stock up on some breakfast bananas......they're very similar to normal bananas but they must be eaten before 10....and I saw a glistening wonder over yonder

Like most people, I'm partial to a granny.....especially one with dark, rich skin. Just the anticipation of that first bite, the little bit of juice that runs down your fingers..that 'CRUNCH' as your teeth penetrate the skin......pleasure you can't measure

I strode towards the checkout, 5 bananas and 1 apple in hand. Wallet at the ready. I chose to 'self serve' as I didn't want to delay my apple'y consumption

I scanned the bananas, 69p for 5, I can cope with that, they come with their own packaging for gods sake...no need for plastic, or a bag for life even, but then.....

then....

then came the apple. Now if a banana is less than 14p, complete with transportation protection, an apple must be 10 or maybe even 5 pence....i mean they even bruise when dropped

But oh no...Ohhhhhhhhh no, 1 apple, ONE APPLE!, 32 pence

32 PENCE......!!!!!!!

And yes the skin was dark and rich, the crunch was crunchy, the dribbles of juice, yeah they were present. But was it really more satisfying that 2.3 bananas, was it??


Yes!

Bye bye for now

Share this post to get a free iPhone and cure for Cancer

If you share this post you'll get one of 154,899 free iPhones 5 that can't ever be sold because the plastic wrapping has been taken off

Now ignoring the fact that apple reuse every single part they can from used iPhones etc, is anyone really going to give you a free iPhone, worth around £500, because its not wrapped. I think I know where I'd be heading, it would start with E and end with Bay

As 'shared' posts go I guess this isn't the worst kind, it just takes advantage of people's naive desire for a freebie, and why not....we're in a recession you know

No, the award for worst shared post is a tie between 'International Day with a Y in it Day' and 'Share this post to cure cancer'

I have had more experience with cancer than I need to have had, none would be the only acceptable amount and there is no question that it is a terrible disease, and people should be more aware of the symptoms etc, but a shared Facebook post will not cure anything

The only acceptable Facebook posts related to illness that I think are worth sharing are the people doing something to help, running a marathon, jumping out of a plane, heck sitting in a bath of baked beans is enough if it raises money

Now, onto the next problem. 'International whatever day'....share this post. If people care enough to share the post/image, why not care enough to spend 2 minutes looking up A: if it really is that day, and B: does it even exist anyway

I've realised I could actually keep on and on about stupid posts. But my last ones are 'tell everyone, if someone phones you claiming to be from....' and 'All parents be aware, so and so's, friend's, sister's, auntie's, brother's, best friend's, landlord's beer supplier told me that there's a nasty man outside a school somewhere in a 20 miles radius of......'

There has been a fantastic new website started, just yesterday 'apparently' called Google

www.google.co.uk or www.google.com

It's called a 'search engine' and you can type stuff into it and searches the information super highway for you. In less than 30 seconds it will confirm that what you are sharing is complete rubbish. All you are doing is creating fear amongst others, most likely regarding something that happened 10 years ago or most likely NEVER HAPPENED AT ALL

Only one appropriate picture for today I think

Bye bye for now

What price do you put on your life?

I must apologise for the complete lack of blogging, I have really been horrendous of late, I will do my best to rediscover my enthusiasm

I discovered something really good about my car the other day, the MPG display is entirely accurate, unfortunately it's still too low a number

On an unrelated note, anyone want to buy an Audi tt?

I never fail to be amazed by the stupidity of some people nowadays. Now some of you may know I used to ride a motorcycle...a little top quickly some would say....and when riding this motorcycle I used to do something really stupid....

I wore a jacket, trousers, boots, gloves and a helmet. I protected my body because I only have 1 of them. Now I won't dispute that this protective clothing can be expensive, it can be very expensive, but I really like my head. Sure I'd like a little more hair....I'd actually love an Afro...but all jokes aside I like the content of my skull

I've seen the after effects of motorcycles accidents and lets just say in one of them, if he wasn't legless when he got on the bike, he was quite soon after dismounting

The question was asked of me at the time, doesn't it put you off owning a bike. My answer.....no, because I'm not a bloody idiot that rides at 150mph wearing trainers and a fleece

(And yes he did have jogging trousers on as well before you conjure up an even worse image)

Anyway enough moaning

THE END


I joke of course. The week so far has been relatively busy, working since 6am Sunday/Monday/Tuesday and yesterday.

On Monday afternoon I took Amelia to the park where I bumped into an old friend, her daughter very quickly said 'mummy you can ask that man his name and then you can be friends'. She then asked Amelia her name and if she wanted to play

Now Amelia is very shy around new people so generally will only raise a smile, though by the end of our time there they were on the swing together.....don't think Amelia actually said a single word mind

Just before we left my friends daughter said 'mummy, that man is beautiful'......she may have only been 3 years old, but I'll take a compliment when it's offered

(She followed it with, he speaks beautifully as well, like a princess, hmmm, lol)

Tuesday evening I managed to squeeze in a sneaky dinner at the pub, my mate offered to pay, but when I saw the total on the till I felt it was a little unfair....so I ordered cheesy chips as well

Yesterday afternoon Amelia and I made it to Peppa Pig World...the weather was scorchio and the park was almost empty....unfortunately this reduced the MILF count, but hey, you can't have it all.

We both had a great time and managed to do most of the Peppa Pig World rides without queuing and that is 'Happy Days'

Today I dropped Amelia at nursery, watched some tv whilst doing some washing, and then came to work....rock and roll

As for pictures today, I'm afraid I'm scraping the barrel a bit but will try harder next time

Bye bye for now

I've got a picture of you....

If I've established nothing else over the last few months of blog writing, it's that people scroll straight to the pictures, so today's blog is exactly that

I tend to photograph most things, or screenshot pictures from the Internet, so here is a selection....

Fuelling Amusement

Well, what a surprising response to my last blog, even more popular than that which just contained a picture of a coat hook. I hope that what I was trying to say came across in the way I was trying to say it. It's still being read by more people even now so it seems to have some appeal

The topic I would like to write about today is not really suitable for this medium and, as I've previously stated, there are elements of a persons life that are not for public broadcast...but lets just say I'm not convinced that Anne Frank would have been a belieber

I've had my new car for about 2 weeks now and I'm still very pleased with it. It's hasn't failed to deliver on the promises that the Internet said it would

Nice to drive - check
Well equipped - check
Fast - check
Comfortable - check
Aesthetically pleasing (nice to look at) - check
Subject of various gay/hairdresser jokes - check
Horrendous fuel economy - check

I do find it quite amusing that the driving of a car can lead people to comment on my sexuality and my profession......I was only saying to my boyfriend the other day.....on the way to the salon.....that people are really quite unoriginal

To be honest, the only attribute that it has, that I am not overly pleased about, is the fuel economy. It's currently returning somewhere between 'crap' and 'dire' miles per gallon. I am attempting to solve the above problem by driving very sensibly, average motorway speed of 55mph. As someone who is known for slow, sensible driving....i have been awarded points for it in fact....you'll know this isn't a great challenge, but it's still a little bit of an effort at the moment

My painting is all done. I had set out with the intention of painting every wall, ceiling and skirting board in the flat...this ambition changed slightly as the work progressed, but I think I found a happy medium (a medium? Ooh I don't think so sir)

People argue that you should paint ceilings first, but they're wrong. Ceilings are the messiest part and I think realistically if I'd done them first (or at all in fact) I'd have spilt so much paint on the carpet that Dulux would be coming to me for supplies. As an extra bonus, by not doing ceilings I didn't need to unleash my extendable roller, or my second tin of paint, so that went back and the money is in the bank

I noticed today that since its inception in January, my blog has now topped 8000 hits. I doubt this would be seen as impressive in blogging circles, but either way I'm pretty pleased...especially since the last 2 weeks have been more or less Blog Free

A wonderful afternoon today with Amelia and a friend (&son), very brief trip to The Range (you won't believe it) and then off to the Common to play in the playground. Amelia was annoyed as she wanted to get home, but I just can't resist a see saw or roundabout....and don't even get me started on swinging

I was looking in the mirror earlier and I couldn't help but think 'you look so much like David Beckham it's unreal'. Then I noticed that it was a reflection...of a poster....with only pants on.


I'm joking of course....no pants ;-)

So as to not bore anyone I shall leave it at that tonight, I'm sure I'll think of something once I've published, always do, but hey, another day another dollar

Lets finish off with some pictures, which will actually make a pleasant change. My new doormat, BBC looking like dildos again, amazing defacing of property and no wonder it's all going wrong in the financial sector...relaxing place to work though ;-)

Bye bye for now

The 'Weekend' Dad

We've all seen it, at McDonald's, at the park, at the cinema maybe.....the weekend dad.

I'll be completely honest, in the past I've judged them. I've seen them sat in McDonalds at 8 o'clock on a Saturday morning, shovelling down a McMuffin or 3 and i've judged them.

We see them as the part-time parent, the person who only cares about their kids 2 days out of 14, the 'useless dad' that abandoned them in the first place.

It's all complete rubbish. Oh yeah I'm sure there are enough 'fathers', men who have achieved the massive task of dispensing their sperm somewhere other than into a Kleenex, but to judge them all in that way is disrespectful and downright rude

Think for a minute about when you were a child. Did you want porridge for breakfast at the weekend or fast food, did you want to go food shopping or to the park...the cinema or doing homework

Maybe, just maybe the reason that the weekend dad takes his kids to these places is because...shock horror...it's where the kids want to go. He doesn't want his kids going back to their mum and telling her what a boring weekend they've had....or worse....not wanting to go to Dad's at all

I remember a friend of mine saying that when his ex partner met a new bloke that his son said to him 'I've got two daddies now'......that's gotta be heartbreaking. But he took the attitude that any dad worth worrying about would take, 'no, you have 1 dad, me. ???? is your mum's boyfriend'

I guess for some people it would be very easy to take the attitude of 'I'm not living with my kids anymore, they're not my problem'. But there are 10 times as many dads that will be crying inside every time they have to drop their kids 'home'. When they won't sleep because they want 'Mummy', when they 'don't love you anymore' because you've abandoned them.

That brings up another problem in itself. How many 'weekend dads' have just separated from their partner, mutually separated. As far as public opinion is concerned i would say that number is pretty close to ZERO. 'he's abandoned his wife and kids' is a line that I'm sure is heard far too often. Often said, but how often is it true

Everyone has an opinion on everyone, we are all nosey to some extent. The very fact you're reading this blog means that you have some bizarre interest in my life and/or what I've got to say. The point to remember is that your opinion, when not asked for, means absolutely jack shit.

If you don't want your kids to do certain things, don't do them, if you don't want them to go to certain places, don't take them. And if you don't want them to behave in a certain way, don't let them. But just because it's not 'your way', that doesn't mean it's the wrong way.

And just because a dad may not be the 'full time' parent. It doesn't mean they're not still a great Dad......

Just try and imagine making the decision that means you'll probably never live with your own children again....then think again before judging

Blogs will continue soon...see inside for details

Details

Immaculate....my arse

Following on from recent form, daily blogs are becoming less and less frequent. So today's musings will be a summing up of the last few days

Thursday will be known as 'V5' day. I finished my early shift at 2 and was straight home to inspect Postman Pat's delivery. My V5 had arrived, a V5 is a vehicle registration form, for the uneducated.

I was straight on the phone to the Skoda dealer to make an appointment and was soon on my way there, spare keys in hand, to wave goodbye to the best car I've owned

Back home, via the post office and the bank, and we were straight to the pub. Here, we proceeded to consume copious amounts of alcohol based spirits....not sure there's another type

As people who know me well will confirm, I love drinking a lot.....hmmm....not really, but we had a few and an enjoyable time was had. The majority of the drinks were bought by my friends dad.....until then I didn't realise how much I liked him ;-)

Friday morning rolled around and, slightly hungover, we made our way to Frankie & Bennys for a big breakfast. It was delicious, with the only uncomfortable moment being the waitress, whilst in conversation, telling me that they survive on their tips.......

I hadn't tipped


And the 25p I had in change seemed too little, too late


Knowing how to really live, I left F&B's and made my way to Asda. And what exciting purchase was I there to make, some new clothes, a DVD, even a new television......no. A pack of night time pyjama pants for Amelia......now now....jealousy is an ugly thing

I was on late shift yesterday and had been invited out to the pub afterwards, however, I didn't think it would be appreciated if I was hungover again this morning.....nor would my bank balance have been too happy

Today was the day to buy myself a new car, I was collected just before 9 and we made our way down towards Poole, stopping 3 or 4 miles past Ferndown. Unfortunately, whilst the car looked, and was described as immaculate, it was actually far from that. It had been touched up more times than Katie Price and had more signs of crack damage than Daniella Westbrook

So here I am sat at work, the car search will continue on Monday with a trip to High Wycombe where hopefully I shall return in a different car to the one I arrive in

My Saturday evening promises to be one of non stop excitement, who know what wonders await. What I do know is I have some pictures to share....a cat with a faultless hiding place, a worrying sign of how Tesco treat their products, and a 'cool' polar bear

Bye bye for now

When will I, will I be famous

Today I experienced 30 seconds of fame when I was 'live' on the Capital FM Breakfast Show

It all started innocently enough, I was at work and having grown bored of Classic FM, and bypassing Grave 105, I flicked over to Capital FM for the breakfast show with Emily and some other fella. They were playing the new Pitbull song (feat Christina 'I've got a bottle full of genies' Aguilera) and at the end the female presenter was moaning that she was desperate to know which track this song sampled

Being the nice guy that I am, I text in informing her that it was in fact sampled from the musical geniuses (genii) that are Aha and their masterpiece 'Take On Me'.....take me on

Anyway, within 30 seconds my phone was ringing and upon answering I was greeted by the voice of 'radio presenter man' scolding me for revealing the details of the song. Apparently before the song started, he had specifically stated that he didn't want people to text in....how was I to know

Anyway, we ended our 'private phone call' and less than a minute later, as the conversation was played on air, and I was announced as the most annoying listener of the day.....a title that I feel I hardly deserve, especially when you consider how annoying the presenter is

That was pretty much the 'highlight' of my day. The 'lowlight'....is that even a word in this sense....being when I 'accidentally' fell asleep in the car at work and was rudely awakened by a member of the public with some inane complaint. Couldn't he see I was trying to sleep.....the cheek of some people

A relaxed afternoon was followed by squash this evening. Now to put things in perspective, the last time I played squash I was wearing a 10kg weight vest and doing 25 press ups between games. Today, walking after the games was the challenge. I've honestly never played worse....and I've had some bad games in the past. It's definitely highlighted to me the importance getting back into training....next week

Bye bye for now

Move your body close to mine

Well....what a day. Knowing that I'd be getting a call either today or tomorrow to say my cheque was ready and I could bring the car down to finalise the deal I thought I'd get all the paperwork together.

Everything was easy to find, except my V5 registration document, next to the keys it's the most important thing of all. I spent about 30 minutes looking for it but to no avail

At 10 o'clock Amelia and I had arranged to meet a friend and her daughter, for a fun packed day. We started with a trip to Ikea where Amelia was quickly into the crèche...her choice not mine...she loves it in there. To be fair it does look pretty cool

I was visiting with one main aim, the acquisition of a sofa bed, or at least some advice. Their website said no stock in Southampton and after speaking to 3 members of staff I had confirmation....that the website was correct

The one I wanted has been discontinued and in its place is one that is exactly the same just with a different colour cover....oh...and a £30 price increase......engineering genius bastards

Anyway, an ice cream was consumed and parking 'illegally' validated, oh, and 3 washing up brushes purchased and we were on our way home

Once home I decided to relax, by spending a further 40 minutes looking for my V5....no luck

Then it was time for lunch, a romantic meal....for 4....lol. Frankie and Benny's never fail to deliver.....a burnt pizza. Still, Amelia loved her sausage and beans. It should have been mash as well, but she informed me that the space required for mash was still occupied by ice cream ;-)

After lunch I added 2 more lovely ladies to my hareem...that's not really the word I wanted, but posse just sounded worse. So it was on to Monkey Bizness, or Gambado as some people call it.....and much fun was had

However, the main event awaited us back at my place.




We all searched for my V5.




Still no luck. It's amazing the effect losing a piece of paper can have on your plans, it's certainly buggered up the next few weeks for me

I was treated to a chip supper in an attempt to cheer me up, it certainly fattened me up anyway :-)

And I shall finish the evening with a bath....currently listening to Mysterious Girl...and I don't think the excuse that it's part of a pop compilation album helps my case...still....you can't beat a bit of Bubbla Ranx.........."Well I've been sitting by the phone hoping you'd call. When time me hear your voice I feel 10 feet tall."

A relatively short blog tonight, much like my temper....I've lost my V5 you know

Pictures....you'll get what you're given

Bye bye for now