Amazingly I've just realised that I haven't written any blogs at all this year and we're nearly 2 months in, I really must make an effort to get back to regular writing. I guess I hit a point where I wasn't enjoying it and whilst I was still attracting a reasonable audience, the interest was dropping. So let's start again....
Today I'm asking a question of myself. Or maybe even two questions.
'Who am I?' and 'Who do I want to be?'
Obviously I know I'm a father of 1, my beautiful daughter, I have a mum and dad and brother, I'm 30 (for another 23 days at least).....(yes I know, I only look 25, it's appreciated)....I own my own home, I think if you want to be technical about it then the mortgage company own a slightly larger share but you get the point. I am the owner of a technologically advanced automobile...I'm just not sure when it was considered technologically advanced.
I've been in my job for nearly 7 years now, I started it, left, failed at something else and then came back to it. The ongoing joke was that I came back because I loved it. I've never made any secret of the fact that I came back because I phoned my old boss before I phoned the job agency and he offered me a job
Now you can say what you like about my job, people who know what it is, it doesn't matter, I'll probably either be asleep or watching tv so I won't hear you. But it's not all fun and games....oh no wait...it IS all fun and games. As I said, say what you like, have whatever opinion you like, it doesn't worry me. My job has given me a flexibility and a lifestyle over the last 5 years, as my daughter was born and raised (on the playground is where she spent most of her days....) (and if you'd didn't sing that last line then you're too young or too boring to be reading my blogs) that would be difficult to find in many other places. I've been the lone father at tots and tunes, stay and play, at times one of the only two people enjoying the Bizness they call Monkey (ok so it's Gambado now but that doesn't fit the flow so pipe down) and that's been amazing. Do I think that flexibility has made me a better father, too right it has. Now don't misunderstand, I don't mean I'm a better father than Joe Bloggs....although he does have some questionable parenting techniques....but a better father than I would have been if I'd been working 9-5, 8-6 or similar
But now that flexibility is required less and less. Of course school pickups are an advantage, but as my daughter grows so will her social calendar, and after school times will become more full and thus my free time then will be less important so it is time to look forward
Now I think discussing salaries is a little tasteless, well discussing my salary anyway, but let's just say I'm not as well paid as I'd like to be, but much better paid than you'd think I would be. Ok so I can only have caviar once a day and champagne is now limited to 4 nights a week, but I get by
But there is more to life than money.
Now those that know me by my, thankfully, underused nickname of Blackheart will find that statement amusing but I really do believe it. I am now only motivated by money in terms of experiences. I don't need a 50 inch, 3d, 4k, double D, LMNOP Tv, I don't feel I'm missing out because I don't wear a Rolex or my welly boots aren't designer (yes I actually now own my first wellies in about 25 years) but i do sometimes feel I'm missing out on experiencing life
As odd as it may sound to some people, people that unlike me have to think about work once they've left for the day, take work home, or god forbid go in early or stay late to get something done, those people, I really do miss the sense of achievement of being responsible for something. Yeah sure I've closed motorways, if I wanted to be melodramatic I could probably say I've indirectly saved lives (very melodramatic and very indirectly) but I don't go home at the end of the day buzzing because of what I've achieved
I've been told all my life that I'm clever, I'm intelligent, I've even got mates now that tell me the same thing. Ok, what do they know, they're not nearly as clever as me so how can they tell....I'm joking of course....they are 'nearly' as clever as me. But what have I done with that....
Now it would be doing some good people a real dis service to say that any trained monkey could do my job, and a little unfair, the monkey probably wouldn't even need training....and would have better hygiene, but let's just say it's better suited to people who perhaps have had their 'career' and want a relatively enjoyable job to 'wind down' to retirement. The problem is, I started winding down when I was 23!!.....and now it's starting to wind me up
And now comes the bigger question. What do I do now?
I'm 31 soon and having worked for the last 13 years full time, I would say I have at least another 35 years working ahead of me, 40 is probably more realistic. So I'm far from on the scrap heap. And they say that if you find a job you love then you'll never work another day in your life, so maybe I could only have another year or two of working before a life time of living
It's just deciding what I want to do and working out a way to do it.....
