Ok so I've been thinking long and hard to try and write a philosophical Facebook status about the start of a new year.
As I wrote the first sentence I knew this was going to become something much bigger so it's become my first blog of 2017.
Now I've written a lot about mental illness over the last 6 months, I've had 3 pieces published so far and received thousands of hits on my blogs. People are reading out of either morbid curiosity, genuine concern, as a self help tool, or just because what I write is really fucking awesome...it could be any of these, but the point is people are reading them.
At this point I want to address an episode of Eastenders from this week. One of the characters has been suffering with depression for some time, and this was the week that he apparently decided that it had become too much, that he was going to jump from the roof of a car park. This storyline obviously resonated quite strongly with me and with people I know. Do I think it was well acted, no. Do I think that the message was well delivered, not really. But were there things that you could take away from it....definitely
Since I started writing about depression, I have had people I have known for years messaging me, telling me that they have their own demons and how brave I am for being so open and honest about it, that they don't feel they can tell anyone, because they're too ashamed or embarrassed.
I don't think I'm particularly brave. I write because it gives me a release, my own form of self help. The fact that what I write is so incredibly entertaining and so engaging is simply down to a gift I was obviously given at birth and that's a cross I have to bear. I'm being silly, but it's true, I write first and foremost for my own benefit, and if it helps other people, and I know it has, then great.
In the last few days, I have begun to reduce my medication. I'm feeling good, I'm feeling strong and I'm feeling confident. There is a stigma attached to being on antidepressants, so much so that I bet you don't know just how many of your friends are or have taken them over the course of their lives. Personally, I think they are fantastic. People talk about there being much better ways to treat depression, and maybe in the long term they are correct, but for me at least, those little blue pills....sorry, white pills have made a huge difference.
The main thing though, aside from medication is even if you can't tell people exactly what you are going through, or how you are feeling, make sure that you have some support and find some kind of release. Also remember that despite what your mind might tell you, no one will be better off without you, you are loved, you are wanted, and to be honest you are pretty fucking awesome.
A wise man once said 'there is no such thing as talent, just dedication and hard work'. Ok, it was Connor McGregor the UFC mixed martial artist, but the point is still the same. Happiness may not come to you, but with dedication and some hard work, you can certainly find it.
The last 6 months have been some of the most testing in my life. I have suffered heartbreak, some extreme lows, some really scary days. I've scared myself and I've worried other people. I've made some stupid decisions and some even stupider actions. But do you know what, I ended last night on a massive high. I ended up at my friend's daughter's 18th birthday party/meal. Having sat in my 3 piece suit and bow tie all day, I was so happy to have somewhere to wear it....other than Tesco express....though they did compliment my waistcoat. I danced for several hours, I drank too much vodka and having got a lift home from 4 people that I didn't really know before yesterday, I found that my front door had been wide open for about 8 hours....thank god I live in the high class area of Eastleigh. All in all, a fantastic night.
Now I appreciate I've made this all about me, but it's my fucking blog so I think I can be excused.
So on to my actual point....
New Year - New Me. I'm sure we've all seen a meme or a status that says something along these lines. Now many people are quick to discourage statements like this. The implication is that if you need a new year in order to make changes then maybe you just don't want it enough. I read a statistic this morning that said 40% of the population make New Years resolutions and 8% of people actually stick to them.
Now if we assume that that is 8% of the 40% then that means that just over 3 people out of every 100 will make a promise to change something and actually carry it through. This tells me that 60 people out of 100 are so happy with their lives that they don't need to change anything. It also tells me that 37 people have things they want to change but perhaps are unwilling or unable to make changes on their own.
Now you might be one of the 60, if you are then I am envious and I wish you all the best. If you are one of the 3 then fair play, you're setting a goal and smashing it. But these are not the people we need to focus on, we need to focus on the 37.
I'm sure we've all been there, your mate says he needs to lose some weight, or she wants to cut down on alcohol, that they want to get healthier because they want to start a family. I'm also sure we've all been the one saying, yeah yeah, see you at the pub next weekend then, or 'let's see if you're still in the gym in February'.....I know I have anyway
My message to everyone that reads this is, if you are not 100% happy, be part of the 40%. If you are part of the 60% then put all your support behind the 40%.
My New Years resolutions are to get back to exercising regularly, to try and eat more healthily, to focus on self improvement through study, to continue to improve my mental health, to spend more time with friends and family and to make sure that people know just how much I love and appreciate them. My first big challenge starts on Tuesday, where with the support of a close friend, I will cutting out all the sweets and crisps etc from my diet and he will be cutting out alcohol. If nothing else we are both incredibly stubborn so I'm confident we can both do well.
Let me finish by saying that we all lost things in 2016, jobs, relationships, friendships, family members and friends. We've all had happy times and we've all had sad times and I wish that I could tell you that 2017 is going to be 'your year to shine'. But guess what, it won't happen on it own. The clock striking 12 last night makes no bigger a change than the clock hitting midnight tonight. The change needs to come from you and your family, and your friends. Because I don't know about you, but I don't want to shine on my own, I want everyone in my life to shine
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