Just listen

Hello hello hello and welcome to 2017

I trust you all had a great Christmas and new year. Can I still say Happy New Year in February....I guess that's down to whoever is writing this blog. I've heard he's a handsome young fella, intelligent, funny, an all round awesome guy.....so I reckon it's safe to say Happy. New. Year

So despite the hilarious and upbeat start I'm afraid to say that this blog is a little more downbeat and reflective. It's been an emotional few weeks and it's taken its toll a little

So I made the decision at Christmas that I wanted to come off of the antidepressants, the crazy pills as I call them. It felt like the time was right and to be honest I was struggling with the lack of sleep, the crazy dreams, just the all round 'is this really me' thought process

So at Christmas I halved my dose and last week I halved it again, now down to 50mg every other day, by the end of the month all being well I will be off of them completely....and I'll find out if it's really the medication making me crazy

Touch wood I'm feeling good right now

So, an update, I've effectively been single now for just over 6 months, and hasn't time flown. It's only really the second time I've ever been single since 2000.....when I was 5....obviously ;-). But seriously, 6 months, it's crazy. Are there still times when I feel sad about what I lost, of course there are, but that's the past and there's nothing to be gained from dwelling there

Now today's blog is about a different sort of loss. And the first reason I cried this year...

As some of you will know, I am moving house soon, and as part of that process I promised Amelia she could have a new bed. A high sleeper. To be honest it has the great benefit of nearly doubling the useable space in her bedroom so it's functional too

I started looking at kids beds, found an awesome company that make some even more awesome beds.....for about £1500!! I started to think, surely it would be so much cheaper to just make one myself (please note 'myself' means paying a handyman to make one'). This unfortunately brought back the memory of my late bother in law, he sadly died nearly 6 years ago, and not long before he died he built a bed for his daughter. The perfect bed for a 5 year old, a pink princess castle bed.

He would have been the person I would have called to help me build a dream bed (see what I did there) for Amelia....so I guess I'll be heading to eBay

The second reason I've cried this week is unfortunately something I cannot post about. I will once again follow my rule of not posting about other people's personal lives. All I will say is that I've been disgusted, disappointed, upset, devastated in fact. To know that someone I care about has been dealing with something that no person should ever have to deal with has torn me apart. I feel emotional even thinking about it now.

Remember that we never truly know what other people are going through. Try not to judge without thought. They say that you can't pour from an empty cup and whilst I would dispute the fact that anyone pours from a cup, I understand the message

Take care of l yourself, that's number 1. But, taking care of your loved ones, that's also number 1. The hardest thing is trying to help someone that doesn't think they need any help. Being supportive doesn't always mean speaking your mind, you have two ears and one mouth....because to be honest you'd look really fucking strange if it was the other way around.....so remember that just listening is one of the best ways to support someone

I like to believe in karma, the idea that a good deed is rewarded and more importantly that a despicable act or acts are eventually punished....let's hope so

So I've talked shit for long enough, and I do actually have to go to work today

I guess if I could finish this with one clear message it would just be...

Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your arms. Open your heart. And sometimes, sometimes, keep your mouth shut.

Have a great day