I am currently flat hunting. As some of you may know, I live in a pretty reasonable one bedroom flat in Eastleigh, with a few downsides.
The first one is a man we'll call Smokey Robinson. I wouldn't like to guess how many cigarettes he smokes a day, but we'll choose a conservative figure and say 27000. Well he lives downstairs. In his defence I think he has reduced his smoking, maybe 26500 now. But I am still greeted by that 'sweet' aroma whenever I come home
The next problem is the Conservative club next door. This is a place I expected to be frequented by the more mature residents of Eastleigh, with the loudest thing perhaps being a bingo night. But oh no. Even looking past the loud, foul mouthed scrotes that hang around out the front, smoking Smokey's extra 500 fags. The main issue is the Friday Karaoke night and the live band on a Saturday
I'm no expert in running a club, my last experience back in the 80's was unsuccessful. Apparently milk club should always have a healthy supply of milk....what can I say...I was let down by suppliers. But one thing I do know is if you want people to come and watch a live band, either supply very cheap alcohol, or, as crazy as it sounds, a good quality band. I can only assume that beer is 10 pence a pint next door
So anyway, I'm flat hunting. Hunting to buy, not rent. And you'd think this would be easier or at least more enjoyable. But no.
See the problem with hunting to buy is that you're not making a 6-12 month commitment, you're going to be there for some time, maybe even the rest of your life. So the decision has to be right, or at least as right as it can be
The next problem with buying, is budget. You set a price, but how much above that price do you allow yourself to search, taking into account the 'cheeky offer' equation. Some would say go 10% above what you can afford, some say more. I guess it depends very much on how cheeky you are
So I set my search criteria at around 5% above what I can afford, I typed my search criteria into Rightmove (other property based websites/apps are available) and waited for the hundreds of choices that fitted exactly what I need. Hundreds didn't happen. Tens didn't happen. In fact over the last 4 or 5 months of searching, daily, I'm pretty much left with 4, maybe 5 flats.
I can't afford a house, and I can't afford an actual flat (flats have maintenance charges that shally equate to over £100 a month) so I'm left with maisonettes, purpose built or conversions.
The downside to my choice of 4 or 5 flats is 3 of them are in the same road as the house I recently moved from, the house that my wife and daughter currently and will continue to occupy. And when I say the same road, what I mean is that one is two doors down, the other two are across the road and two doors down. I'm sure you can appreciate my dilemma.
However enough of that, the humour of property searching is in the estate agents themselves. And pretty much all the estate agents I've ever dealt with have been incompetent.
I was due to view 4 properties on Thursday, all with the same agent, so they were done as a block booking. The viewings were booked for 3pm so you can imagine my delight when at 10pm the agent phoned to say that one of them was cancelled. Apparently the vendor doesn't do viewings in the daytime, they have to be after 5:30, a fact that the agent was well aware of.
They then phoned again to cancel a second viewing, this vendor insisted on being there for viewings, but I couldn't see it because they were going to be home all day. Yes that's not a typo, I couldn't see a flat that had to be occupied for viewings, because the vendor was at home
I think I may have made my annoyance clear on the phone when the estate agent appeared to whimper slightly, telling me he was only doing his best. That's me, I'm like a cage fighting champion.....on the phone.....30 miles away
Now the first viewing went without trauma. It was a nice little flat. Some people wouldn't choose to live behind a dog grooming salon, or on a main road, or opposite a primary school. But other than that it was ok. Well, except for the fact that I'd have had to take half the kitchen out just to change the washing machine. Oh, and Amelia would have had to sleep curled up as there wasn't really space for a bed in the second bedroom. So that was a no
At the second viewing the agent arrived before me, I was still walking down. He then informed me that the tenant wasn't at home and he didn't have a key. This was another person that had insisted on being present for all viewings and had assured the agents that she would be there.
Well she didn't factor in my agent going back to the office to get a key. And actually it was a fantastic flat, the only downside I could find in fact was that it didn't have a freezer, or space for one really, but that's not the end of the world. The viewing went well....a fact that the agent was pleased about as he said 'I was worried if I'd cocked this up that you were going to punch me'. Success, the agent is scared. Hopefully I can get him to add 5% to my deposit
A viewing I had the next day was the flat above the previously mentioned one and we had intended to see both of them at the same time. Except the tenant said we couldn't because she was going away for the weekend, so would be in at the time of the viewing....a fact that she insists upon....confused? I certainly was
So we had to settle for a peek through the window. Or walking blatantly up to the patio doors and staring in as the agent did
This agent and another agent this week both told me that vendors would definitely take offers of nearly 10% under the asking price, which did leave me wondering who they were working for exactly...still, it's useful information for me
In the meantime some thinking will be done and the search shall continue
I don't have any house search related funnies so I'll just add something random
Bye bye for now
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