In 11 days time I wave my 20's goodbye, never again will the sentence begin 'oh, I'm twen...' but instead be replaced by th...th....thirty.
A wise man once said 'if you had 29 pounds in your pocket and someone asked how much money you had, you'd say £30'....so in that respect I've been 30 for quite a while. However, this 'wise man' didn't account for Blackheart, as if someone asked me how much money I had, I'd probably say £20, maybe even 'not much more than a tenner'....does this mean I'm still a teenager?
Now age is just a number, life begins at 30/40/50 (delete as appropriate) and any other such phrases and they're all as true as they are false. Age is a number....an increasing one, you are older than you have ever been. But you are also the youngest you will ever be again, so forget the numbers, remember the good times and learn from the bad.
I don't have a great number of childhood memories, I remember a happy childhood, I remember having good friends and I don't remember anything bad, which can only be a good thing
When I was at infant school, I guess aged around 6 or 7, I began writing and illustrating (scribbling with crayons) short books, and selling them at school. They were most likely complete crap and I guess I sold them for pennies, but that could have marked the start of an entrepreneur in the making....it didn't
Towards the end of infant school, I was a pretty fast runner. It's entirely possible that I have created this memory in my head, but I was faster than a lot of people I knew...this could have been the start of a flourishing athletics career.....it wasn't
As I went through primary school years I had swimming lessons, I guess I could probably swim a few hundred metres...to be honest I preferred the hot sausage roll that followed swimming class, but either way I was proficient, and had even developed the much needed life skill of diving to the bottom of the pool in my pyjamas.....was this the start of my Olympic swimming training.....no
I recall in junior school that I once thought it would be funny to hold a compass, pointy rather than geographical, under a friend's behind as he sat down in his seat, he didn't see the funny side.....not as much as the whole school assembly did when I had to stand in front of them to apologise....did this mark the start of a life of violence and
bullying....fortunately it did not
Though it didn't launch my career in public speaking either......
If there is one picture that sums up my time at junior school, it would be me, aged 10, in denim jeans, denim shirt AND denim jacket, oh yes Triple Denim. Now this on its own is never enough, of course I completed the look with a blow dried (thanks mum) Afro. It was supposed to be spiked, but the hair drier saw to that.....I just can't work out why I never had a girlfriend at junior school :-/
Now, secondary school, my time to shine. Well.....some of you may remember a hairstyle called an undercut, and this is what I was rocking for a good portion of my time there. In fact it was only in the later years of school that I discovered hair gel, until that point I essentially had a Lloyd Christmas style....I'm not sure if the hair gel was dumb or dumber....christ, even I didn't laugh at that
I had a nickname amongst certain people at school, well, tbh I think it was only one person, and I think it summed up my masculine tone and general persona....something I'm obviously well known for now, and the name.....Chipmunk
Despite this, I wasn't bullied at school. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't in the 'popular' group, I don't really know what group I was in. But I had the Umbro school bag, and the 'Spliffy' coat.....well until the brand was banned at school and my mum, who wasn't buying me another school coat, sewed a black patch over the logo and sent me off to school with it anyway. Is this what stopped me turning to drugs, did this patch save me from the life reliant on a needle....I think we know it did.....that's the power of black cotton cloth
I was expected to do well at school, I used to be reasonably intelligent and obviously hadn't developed the possible drug problem, though I did once own some jeans with 8 inch high lettering stitched right down one leg....who the hell was Karl Kani anyway....but sorry I digress
Predictions were good, probably up until I chose art and drama as option subjects. I'd have chosen I.T, but we didn't really have computers then....I think they'd only just invented the wheel. Of course I went on to excel in those two subjects, achieving a D in drama and an E in art.......the only explanation I can offer is that my teachers didn't understand my artistic interpretation
Despite my obvious lack of ability in drama, I wasn't deterred from joining the cast for two school plays, firstly as 'policeman' a part with no lines, just a badly fitting jacket....despite my hamster like facial features, I wasn't actually 'that' fat
My next stage outing was as a character by the name of Mr Suey....I was Chinese in case you were wondering. I may have been one of the last people to 'black up' for a school play, well I bloody hope so as I don't think it could have come across as much more racist....however, I got the chance not only to change my ethnic background but also wear spray painted silver welly boots at the same time....Result!!!
I seem to recall 'going out with' a few girls at school, even some attractive ones, now if only I'd actually had some physical contact with them I'd have felt like more of a stud. I won't embarrass anyone by giving away who may have been the first lucky lady to succumb to my obvious charms....see above hamster reference....but either way, I don't think I'd be described as a player
That goes for sport as well. It would seem that by not taking up smoking, I had damaged my sporting ability, as it seemed that all the people I had previously been more able than, had far surpassed me. This could only be down to the performance enhancing powers of tobacco.....well, tobacco or puberty....one or the other. Either way I've started on 40 a day and if that doesn't help than I guess I just have to keep waiting for the other to start.....see previous chipmunk reference
Moving on.....it seems unfair and distasteful to make any reference to sexual encounters, but lets just say the start was rocky....and by that I do not mean a battering around the ring....(distasteful - check) I also was not wearing a silk dressing down and ankle high boots.
To clarify, I am referencing the film franchise 'Rocky' starting Sylvester Stallone....not knowing this will make the jokes even less funny....is this possible?!?
So now it was college, and college was my time to shine....seriously, have I ever shined anything...I don't even shine my shoes. But there i was in the big wide world....of Eastleigh....just me and my Carrera mountain bike
I quickly established myself in the popular group....is there a popular group in GNVQ IT?!? and began to further my education.
Now college was different to school as due to poor GCSE performance I don't think anyone was expecting anything...least of all me, but I could turn things around....and this was going well
Until I got my driving licence and a car, complete with counterfeit parking permit. I now had no reason to actually go to lessons anymore, not with the call of the open road and drive thru McDonald's
It was at this time though that I got my first long term girlfriend, though I initially asked her if she would ask her mate out for me...the answer was apparently no, or was that just because she wanted me to herself...I guess we'll never know
That's not to say there weren't a few girls before that, remember my hamster looks and chipmunk persona....who could resist....well...seemingly most people could....one girl even leaving me for a friend of mine. Though ill be honest, he had a nicer car than mine...in fact I nearly bought it from him....but from principal of course I would never give him money. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I couldn't insure it...NOTHING
This was all during my wonderful time as an employee of a well known, high end, boutique retail outlet......Matalan, where the mirrors were smeared and the floor was dirty. Well, until I told the 'female' deputy manager that cleaning was a woman's job. This resulted in a year of early weekend shifts cleaning the shop before opening. Little did she or I realise at the time that this gave me perfect opportunity to move around the store talking to all the attractive young ladies and even squeeze in some stock room shenanigans....something which I was commended for....though she was giving a strict telling off.
And that ladies and gentleman is a demonstration of equality from a horny, middle aged, out of shape, male store manager
And so, after achieving amazing grades at college...hmmm...I was into full time work. I chose of course the industry that everyone aspires to enter....insurance
In honesty I think I was the only person working there that wanted to work there....and I didn't 'really' want to work there....a fact that was made clear when after 3 years I attempted to resign, and subsequently went part time as I'd just had enough. My boss wouldn't let me resign as I didn't have another job to go to, probably a good thing she didn't
It was around this time that i moved on to my 3rd car.....now in my 12 years of driving I've had a few cars and bikes, I think at last count it's around 20 cars and 4 bikes...and I've only been rear ended in 3 of them and only caught speeding in 2 of them....oh actually, 3 of them as well
When I was 20, I thought about starting an Open University degree course but reasoned that in the 6 years it would take, I'd have achieved so much more. And guess what i considered starting at 28 years old....
In 2004 I moved on to another insurance company and it was at this time that I met my wife, she wasn't my wife then obviously, it wasn't some sort of secret arranged marriage.
I think a lot of my life from then on has probably been documented on Facebook etc, but ill give you a run down of what happened next
Started dating in January 2005, searched for and subsequently purchased a flat in March 2005, and moved in in May.
We got engaged in December of that year. I suggested moving house but Jac was happy in the flat....well, until a chance conversation with our downstairs neighbour
It went something along the lines of 'will you stop flushing your toilet in the middle of the night, stop stamping your feet around the flat and (here's the kicker) I can hear everything that happens in your bedroom. Well that was it.....there was no way I'd have some sour old woman listening to my bedroom activities....only my wife should hear me snore and fart whilst I sleep....so we were on the move
We moved in to our house in November 2006, got married in May 2007 and were just settling in to married life when I did the most sensible thing I could think of....gave up my job (as a Traffic Officer, I started in April 2006) in a bid to pursue a career as an Air Traffic Control Officer
I could make a list of excuses as to why I was unsuccessful in this job, so I will.....
1. No I'm only joking, there were reasons beyond my control that didn't help, but that's not for this or any other blog
So lets move on, the year now is 2009, and ironically I'm back at the Highways Agency, what can I say, I just loved the job so much
It's June and along came my greatest achievement, my wonderful, beautiful, intelligent daughter Amelia Rose Cummins. She arrived at 14:42 on the 23rd June and even now, nearly 4 years on, she continues to amaze me
I won't pretend the last 4 years have been easy, I've had so many times when I've felt like the worst dad in the world...and I'm sure I'll have many more.....heck, I'm sure she'll tell me the same thing many times as she grows up.
Jac was off for 8 months maternity leave so when she went back to work, around my shifts, I began my own Daddy Day Care. I've been swimming, I've been to soft play, I've been to singing and dancing classes, zoo visits, aquariums, ballet classes....the list goes on and on
As a dad at 'mother and baby' classes, you get some strange looks, you get made to feel like an outsider, like you don't belong there. I don't know what causes this, maybe it's cos I look like a weirdo, or maybe, just maybe it's because these women's partners would never dream of going. Sure most people work full time, Monday to Friday, so it's not an option.....but how many would go anyway
Say what you like about my current job, I usually do, but I can't deny that it's given me the opportunity to be such a big part of Amelia's life. I was there when she started walking, when she started talking, I changed her first nappy and gave her her first bath.
I'm not there for every morning wake up, or every bed time, but I'm there as much as I can be, and will continue to be, for as long as I can before she gets fed up with me.....I'll probably have to stop when she gets married and has kids, it would just be a bit weird if I was still tucking her into bed
Who knows what will happen in the coming months and years, but life is an adventure and I shall be an adventurer....starting with New York next week....got to see my 20's out in style
Today's blog was only going to be short, I'd imagine I've lost you all by this point, but to anyone that has read to the bottom, thank you.
And to those that haven't....bollocks to you, you won't see this anyway
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